I’m Mental, I Promise

I’m in one of those moods.
Where it becomes painfully obvious
That I’m disturbed

That I can’t be trusted
Especially when I start to mutter
I’m convinced that I’m unstable
And I know it’s only a matter of time

Lock me up, it’s not like I didn’t expect it
Especially after I picked up that knife

It’s amazing how this all started, with one little trouble maker
And ended up with blood, tears, and questions
That incidentally- I can’t answer.

disclaimer: not my song purely for entertainment bla bla etc… My Chemical Romance: I’m not Okay


Behind The Curtains

She lives behind a shroud of mystery and the dark unknown

Alice in her own obscure Wonderland

We are a turbulent world to confuse and perturb

So she hides behind the curtains

All around her we stir, creatures of the abyss

Our subcultures and intricacies –

Our customs baffle and amuse her

So she laughs behind the curtains

The Curtains silken and dark are home and protector

Down her thin frame the thick mane extends- an impenetrable fortress

Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair

So that I may glimpse your face so fair…

At her desk she sits, sketching away

Or nose buried behind a book

Hidden away in plain sight

No one can see you behind the curtains

Cold, cruel and calculating we all can be

They are the youth of today

And she is their prey

The blood sucking leeches

They feed on tears and fear

On the misery of others

They will never know

Late at night when all is dark and still

She cries behind the curtains

Heart on Hiatus

ice heart by HappyTea

I’m not a nice person

Nor do I pretend to be…

Yes, I hardly show emotion

You think I should smile

But I can’t and I won’t

Because I’m just going through the motions of trying to be human

I’m not a nice person

I never tried to be

Sometimes my heart is made of ice

Mostly it’s on hiatus

Along with my conscience

The pair would never win ‘employee of the month’

I’m not a nice person

Even though you try your hardest to change me, to make me

It will take a while to thaw out my sub-zero heart

But like everyone I just want to be loved

I know that’s like trying to look at your reflection in a cracked mirror:

The outcome will always be twisted and distorted

An imitation of reality

All I know is pain

Laced with vengeance & hate

My heart is redundant

What I know are facts and figures

So don’t you wonder

Why I’m not nice

ice heart by HappyTea

Drowning in the Chorus

Sometimes I let myself go

I feel everything fall away

And numbness spread all the way down to my core

All that’s left is the music

Torturous and unrelenting

Reminding me that behind the icy cool numbness there’s: rage, pain, sorrow.

Everything I can’t bear bottled up and thrown in my face

And behind it all is you.

It was always you and always will be.

That taunting laughter, that thin smile anything but warm…

Close my eyes and I can see your condescending glare

Shake my head and nothings there.

I’m on my own.

So I turn up the music

Drown in the chorus

Until it crushes my soul

Until my heart bursts

The One You Can’t Control

Why does it feel like I’ve lost everything?

When I’m only trying to find out what’s real

Tell me the truth

Tell me anything

Show me the real world

Show me what’s only seen in dreams

This everyday routine is driving me insane

The yesterdays are making it rain (on me)

Hearing the clock count down

I’ve been living in a dream where everything is never as bad as it seems

Breathe in, breathe out

What I say won’t make it right

What you say won’t change me any way

Giving hope to the hopeless

Giving life to the dying day

Where is the impossible?

It is in trying to save me from myself.

(the title of the poem comes from this song)