Danse Macabre

Clawing at this padded cell
Contemplating suicide
Contemplating homicide

Music- the only thing that heals these wounds
Bloody, oozing and festering
So I sing along to a tune only I can hear
One that all the ‘normals’ fear

While I sing I contemplate suicide
I contemplate homicide
Still trapped in this padded cell
In the halls of my madness
I dance to the ethereal voices only we can hear

Walk with me into the realm of the unreal
Where our insanity makes sense
Can’t you hear the song/music calling?
You’re only a step away

So come with me!
Together we will contemplate suicide
Even as we sit in these padded cells [Let’s sit together in this padded cell.]
We will contemplate homicide



A coiling snake in your chest
Driving you ever closer to your death
Stealing away all of your breath (all that’s left)
The air that’s meant to be mine
All parts of you- delicate and fine

Face your fears
Let them go
Fade away or let everyone know
There is no way to fake your way out of this
Checkmate – the only way out is forward
Your only escape

Everyone is so scared
Of the coming night; the face in the mirror
Of stepping out of this everyday routine
To let their thoughts show (let them all know)
To walk in the sunlight
To make a move

My identity lost forever in a sea of fear
Late at night
When all those unresolved feelings are brought to light
The voices- those that don’t believe in you, come to life

Lost in the face of this everyday routine.
Can’t face my own reflection
Don’t move, don’t react
If you don’t make a move you can’t get hurt

Untitled (short story- Incomplete)

This was an experiment to write with some friends of mine. Can you tell where one author ends and another begins? I haven’t edited this piece so I apologise in advance for any mistakes in tense or grammar. Its the combined mistakes of 3 people so please don’t nit pick on that aspect.
Partial credit obviously goes to them.
The track I posted in the middle is good background music to read this with and is by my brother Cris J.

Woke up today to the remnants of a strange dream. Just ghostly tendrils of the memory remain. A large red poker table; an oversized chair and me in a strange dress. I quickly dismiss it as the result of bad sushi from dinner but the dream refuses to fade away as dreams should. More details come back to me: being surround by grotesquely masked faces; disturbing semblances of animals and people. I shudder it away and get up from bed. Sunday, I always found the day quite strange like life goes on pause. I never manage to get much done nor do I put much effort to any task.The alarm clock bleats pitifully from the floor across the room. Sleepily I realise that I must have thrown it there. I groan and bury myself under the covers attempting to ignore it. Wait. Why is my alarm ringing on a Sunday? Why am I getting a feeling of deja vu? Didn’t I just wake up? From the weird dream. It was even hazier now as I tried to remember it. I must have gone back to sleep after first waking up. I pick up my cell and am shocked to see it really is Monday. Is this a joke? I think as I get up to turn on the TV. Where did a whole day’s worth of memories go? The TV flickers on and I anxiously put the news on and it hits me like ton of bricks: it’s really Monday and I don’t remember anything from yesterday. I concentrate and try my hardest to recall anything from the day before. But it’s completely blank. Fuck. Where did an entire day go? I think again.Trying not to panic I take a deep breath as I shakily walk around my apartment and decide to continue my day as normal and hope for the best.
I decide to tidy up the apartment which looks like everything besides immaculate. How did the apartment get so untidy anyways? I lazily bend down to pick up a black scarf that was right in front of me and then…wait! What were the contents of my wardrobe doing here anyway? I decide to scan the whole apartment from my point of standing and oh my…it looked horrible. What happened yesterday?I force myself into recalling the previous day’s events. A sharp pain jolts through my head and I quickly dismiss the idea. Perhaps it was a normal day like any other day and I was worrying over nothing. I shudder at the thought that I might have done something embarrassing as I try to recall the details from the mysterious day. Why can’t I possibly remember anything? I shiver as a cold sweat trickles down my face. I aim to wipe off the sweat with the back of my free hand and dear Lord; I feel the sharp pain in my head again. As I look down at my hand, I realize it is covered with blood. Dark red oozy blood! I stagger across the apartment as I make an attempt for the mirror in my bedroom, scurrying my way across thishelterskelter. I scrutinize the bloody mush embedded in my head wondering how and why I got wounded. Not only was I breathing at an abnormal rate, but it took me a good amount of time to realize my jaw was dropped and I was in awe. I was a total wreck. What the heck happened last night?!

Then it hit me. I realized that it’s not just the wound in my head that I was worried about. I was staring a total wreck! I could hardly identify myself. I looked…shattered; that is the most suitable word I could use to describe what I looked like. Oh no! Something else hit me! I remembered that I wasn’t dressed up in this attire last night. What I was staring at was someone wearing an oversized grey jumper. I don’t own any jumpers so this could definitely not be mine. I recalled wearing formal attire last night. I couldn’t be wrong about that. I couldn’t possibly be uncertain about this jumper; it wasn’t mine. Who else was in here with me? I might not remember a great chunk of detail about yesterday, but I sure as hell that I wasn’t dressed like thisI start getting worried and question my sudden urge earlier to switch on the television. Why did I go straight to the television? What did I expect to hear or see? More blood oozes from out of my head, drenching the jumper I was wearing.Standing in front of the mirror and trying to recall the events of what I’m beginning to suspect was a ‘horrendous’ night, I decide it would be best if I looked everywhere around the apartment. I had to gather cues to solve yesterday’s puzzle. I take a step away from the mirror and make a dash toward the toilet. As I touch the door knob, I stiffen; my hands feeling like they weighed a thousand pounds or more. My nerves were killing me and at this point in time, I wish that whatever happened last night needed to be something trivial. I take a deep breath as I slowly push open the door, hoping that there’s nothing but emptiness on the other side. I cross my fingers as the door vehemently sways inward while I stand on its other side nervously clasping my hands around myself.The door is completely set back and I’m standing there…in the middle of my room…unable to move or do anything. It feels like my heart has stopped pumping blood into my veins. I hear nothing but silence; silence that feels unwelcoming. I stare a while longer at the disaster that was seeing in front of me. In this bare silence, I hear myself letting out the most horrifying shriek that I’ve ever heard in my life!

The toilet is covered in blood all over. I begin to hyperventilate. It’s more than I can handle. What happened last night? What happened last night? These questions kept recurring in my mind as if I was hoping my subconscious would robotically provide me with answers I desperately needed. I am still staring at the grotesque splash of blood in front of me, unable to move or process how it reached here. In my room. In my toilet. What is going on? I begin to feel nauseated by the smell of blood. And frightened. I suddenly gather my senses as if slapped back to consciousness.

I make up my mind…there is no way I am going to stay in my apartment for another minute. Leaving the toilet door open, I begin ransacking through the pile of clothes near my bed to get clean clothes and just leave the room. I am deterred while ransacking my clothes because I never ever had piles of clothes scattered in my room. I brush that thought away and I find myself a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. I put them on, run my fingers quickly through my hair and head for the door. I look at myself in the mirror on my way out. I still look a mess. I look as if I have spent a day in a scary movie. I grab my car keys from the dressing table and walk out. I shut the door and run through my living room, not even bothering to look around straight to my car, not noticing anything except that it is a sunny Monday. How could I have missed an entire day?
I get into my car and start the engine. I look around the car to see if there are any traces of last night. I am surprised to find that there’s no blood anywhere or anything strange. But wait!!There is an old piece of paper at the backseat. I have never seen this kind of paper before. I pick it up. There is something written on the other side. I turn it over and gasp when I read:


I swallow hard. But at the same time I feel that I could find some answers there. 33 Street isn’t far from where I live. So I start my car and drive on. I ignore the clamor in the city and take the curve that leads to 33 street. What could have happened there? As I neared 33 street, something bizarre begin to happen. It is raining heavily. It is a sunny day. I couldn’t understand what is going on. The street looks unusually dark and lonely. There is nothing around it. There are no stores, no houses, no cars…nothing! I shudder, but couldn’t figure out whether it is from the sudden chilliness surrounding me or fear. I stop the car when I come across a side board. Something is written on it in a weary black ink:


The sight of it makes me weak at the knees. It sounds like a death notice. Uneasiness creeps all over me. In spite of these thoughts, I am tempted to find out more about this house. I feel like I am summoned or like a gravitational force is urging me to enter. I get down from my car and decide to walk in. The huge iron gate that keeps the house from the outside world is opened. I slide in through the gate and find myself staring at the ghastly huge grey house. The house is masked by the fog from the rainy weather and sheltered by huge thick trees that outgrow the house. Withered creepers grow over the house in all directions. The house is so dark. All but one window is illuminated by a faint candlelight.

I take the few steps that lead to the front porch and open the front door and I step in.

any suggestions for a title? Anyone want to continue  the story and add another part to this, it obviously needs it XD

I’m Mental, I Promise

I’m in one of those moods.
Where it becomes painfully obvious
That I’m disturbed

That I can’t be trusted
Especially when I start to mutter
I’m convinced that I’m unstable
And I know it’s only a matter of time

Lock me up, it’s not like I didn’t expect it
Especially after I picked up that knife

It’s amazing how this all started, with one little trouble maker
And ended up with blood, tears, and questions
That incidentally- I can’t answer.

disclaimer: not my song purely for entertainment bla bla etc… My Chemical Romance: I’m not Okay

Lovers In The Ground

Six feet under and his heart still beats for her

A pale perfect bride

In a box and she still sighs at the thought of him

Strikingly thin and handsome in his dark suit


The mortician was her confidant,

He fixed her bouquet in her icy hands

Made her feel perfect for her groom,

Their family and friends wept in unison at their eternal union

Love last only as long as death

Forever is only as long as death.

Suicide Song


Suicide smiles

Hide the pain behind the lies

Hide the pain as your heart dies

Hate your life and it’ll be alright

Scream for help as they turn their backs

And you will turn my back on life

And we will turn my back on life

And I will turn my back on life

Somehow I don’t think they would cry at my funeral


Suicide is the background music to my life

An ever constant ringing in my ears

My subconscious claws at my sanity

Conscious mind force feeds me reason

And I’m left wondering how to escape from this war I wage against myself


Mediocrity is a disease.

It makes you cough and then you wheeze

At 1st you burn and then freeze

I think I’ve found a final cure to make us right,

To makes us ‘cool’

It hurts at 1st and then-

Never Again


I’m trying to find my happy place- I think I lost it or maybe I never had it to begin with

Where did all the sunshine and rainbows go?

I’m looking for bunny rabbits, butterflies and cotton candy but instead there’s:

me all alone in the dark.

With that feeling that makes me wanna right a letter

and do that thing that’ll make it all better


Misery (Make a Move)

If misery loves company, then why am I always alone?

Waiting for you by my phone.

Keep me at hands length so that I can’t move on.

Stuck here- stuck to you- like quicksand.

Let me go

Because I can’t let you go

But I know your ego won’t let you

You’d rather we both drown; sink beneath the surface

Than face this world alone.

Enough I cry!

I won’t die for you

I never said would

I know Ive lied for you

Again and again

Until I have nothing left of me.

And that’s why I say no more

All I want is to be alone

To dig your claws out of my abused flesh.

Try to salvage the remains

To heal

And then revenge…